The Ultimate Vertical Bonding Connection

Couples frequently have limited time to spend together. Maintenance workouts, especially in the outdoors, are a liberating, health-enriching activity--they help couples stay connected. Together you release tension, act silly, and watch and help each other stay fit, all in the perfect venue for the big hug at the end. You may even come up with and then agree upon a solution for a current challenge.

Some studies say that money is the number one cause for disagreements in a relationship. I disagree. I say communication is number one. The couple's workout gives you time to communicate, both verbally and non verbally. We may not have all the time in the world to communicate but setting regular time aside with each other is a big help. Things come out naturally. Bringing up something after a nice, tension-releasing workout is less combative than doing it right when a partner walks through the front door. And, if both people understand each other, avoid "pushing each other's buttons," and work things out with understanding and respect, they may enjoy a healthy and helping relationship.

I know this next comment is common sense but the chemistry of our makeup is often overlooked. Studies show that mind and body chemicals and brain impulses related to our behavior are people's number one reason for doing or not doing something. We are programmed (and our activities and environment have solidified that programming) to behave certain ways. Doesn't this play a big part in determining why and when we wake up, why some become addicts and others do not, why we sleep, why we get excited, why we get depressed, why we get hungry, why we get lazy, why we are hyperactive? Why don't we promote our natural impulses and feelings of "wellness" and "exhilaration" in order to overcome the bad ones such as craving sugar or coffee or more sleep? We release and reorganize these chemicals when we do good things to our body and mind, i.e. a fitness plan and rest.

We can do the fitness plan daily--in nature, in the gym, or even in our homes--and get the greatest pill ever invented--the health pill. Everyone has stress, everyone--even Zen Masters. You have to release stress, you have to breathe, you have to get your body and mind engaged and activated. Companies in Asia have long known this and have implemented exercise and Tai Chi programs for their employees.

The Googleplex

Google, one of the world's most successful modern-age companies, has a designer gym at their Mountain View, California location (along with an excellent restaurant and yoga classes.) I say, do your stress release in the morning. That way you do it and get it out of the way. It's too easy to make excuses as the day wears on. Most are more tired at the end of the day than at the beginning. You have to decide for yourself on this, but I have been watching procrastinators all of my life and have suffered from this in other parts of my daily tasks. It's a demoralizing occurrence. My answer is very bottom line on this, it's very real, and you who suffer from this will have to transform (with help from me or whomever you will make a commitment to). Making excuses and living in denial are two of the weakest of human personality disorders (usually they go hand in hand and often they are a personality "trait" and part of a lifelong pattern).

UGH! Talk about needing transformation. These weak disorders are swallowed whole and often get washed down with intoxicants, unhealthy food, and Band-Aid and/or habit-forming pharmaceuticals. Is your doctor helping you with Band-Aids? Or is she sending you to counseling and a wellness center so you can make that change? Living in this downward spiraling realm--making excuses and postponing your commitments--is being dishonest with whomever you share your excuses.

I have seen relationships collapse because of this behavior. Remember, the ultimate lie is the one you tell to yourself.

You look in the mirror, see the stress and sagging skin, and say to yourself: "Maybe tomorrow or next week; sure, I'll get to it. I just need to do x, y, and z first." How can you live with a dishonest person? You know what the underlying problems are: stress, denial, lethargy, the blues. How can you live with yourself being dishonest to yourself? Now that's stress!

Divorces often result from one leaving a situation of denial or one throwing the liar out. The military doesn't give its recruits options. You signed on and it doesn't matter what you think. Extreme transformational workshops (like est in the 1970s) use similar methods in their programs. You sign on, get partially or totally brainwashed, and then step out of your own way to succeed. For accomplishing fast-track training and deriving measurable productivity, these organizations know what works. The participants have to follow the plan, or face the consequences: including being ostracized or reprimanded along the way, or even thrown out. The Early Bird gets The Worm and Lots of other good things. The military normally gets a good part of the heavy physical training out of the way before midday. They normally handle the book and computer learning after at least one difficult physical task has been accomplished. It works.

If you can follow through (over an extended period) with a daily fitness plan in the evening, that's wonderful. Those who can pull that off are in the minority. Most people can't keep it up. It's too easy to blow off. Can you do night fitness for a lifetime? Be sure to evolve with your daily plan. If you begin to miss attending your evening workouts try a new tactic. Be your own drill sergeant and demand productivity. I had a friend who was a golf pro. He was about 64 when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and needed an operation. The doctor told him to get in shape, really good shape, before the operation. Otherwise, the surgery would be difficult and the recovery lengthy. Now that's motivation! He began a fast walking program, did lots of exercises on a mat, and revamped his diet. Thirty pounds were shed as he got fit: the operation was a success! To top it off, his back felt strong and his golf scores dropped.

Why do we have to wait for the doctor's warning to give up the bad and embrace the good?

Early Risers in the couple

If you are the early riser, get up and get the house in order and prepare the breakfast to go. That should take you a half hour to an hour. Then give an invigorating foot massage to the slow riser. If you're good at them but still they don't like foot massages (they're nuts), try putting on some music and doing a dance for them. If that doesn't work start getting in bed early, really early. I can think of reasons besides a good book and Dancing With The Stars to head to bed early. How about you? Fifteen minutes after you get the slow riser up, you'll be at your morning workout site in the great outdoors. Come on, there's got to be a park or open space nearby. There's even been talk of a tree growing in Brooklyn. Now begin your program. We use beanies or floppy hats and wireless Headset Radios (about $30 brand new on eBay). The hats keep us warm, sun protected, and even help keep the radios on our heads. The radios keep things moving and interesting, especially if the workout spots become repetitive.

We like the Headsets since wires and waist or shoulder music devices can be cumbersome. We have preset stations. When one of us lands on a hot song or interesting talk show, we point to the other and then use our fingers to show what preset station we want the other to know about. We may be dancing to a hot hip-hop hit one moment, and then be laughing to Car Talk's Tappet brothers, Click and Clack, the next. A recent study said that the average married father spends 2-3 minutes per day speaking to his son. How many minutes do you think you speak with your partner? If you get the whole family crew (even the in-laws) out for the morning ritual in this stress-reduced zone, you may get to know every one of them. You can also make sure they get a good breakfast.

Do you like to beat the heat? Do you like to beat the crowds? When's the last time you saw the sun rise?[sic]